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Growing up I lived in a few different states but I always refer to Washington, D.C. as my home. I graduated from a high school that was about 99% Black, lived in a predominately Black neighborhood and the majority of my friends in my later teen years were…Black! So the thought of having biracial children never crossed my mind, let alone marrying a guy from the south who was white.
Fast forward to the future and we are now the parents of a teenager and 5-year-old. Yikes! When my oldest daughter was born I was so concerned about how she would identify herself or if she would be bullied. I researched all kinds of books about parenting biracial children and became disheartened when I only found two that would be age appropriate if she had any questions. And the bad thing about one of the books is that it was from the 70s! In the beginning, as a darker skin Black woman, I encountered more disrespectful comments from my own peers like “Well at least your children will have ‘good’ hair” or “You don’t like your own race”. And then later came the question of “Are you their mother?” It doesn’t help that neither of my girls look much like me and look a lot like my husband.
Luckily the area that we live in is like the United Nations and their race doesn’t come up anywhere near as much as I assumed it would. But because race is still a very hot topic (especially in light of recent tragic events) I have to remind my older daughter that the “world” will still view her as a Black teenager, but that she continue to carry herself as a biracial young lady and not discount either part of her heritage. Here are three additional truths I have taught my biracial daughters:
- Share your feelings: Since we do live in a world that is far from color-blind, I create open lines of communication and talk with my girls about (age appropriate) topics. That way, if they have any concerns or issues they will feel comfortable talking to us or others about who they are. It’s sad that in 2015 that we even have to discuss race/racism, but it’s a way of life. I don’t want my girls growing up in a bubble thinking that these issues don’t exist. What I can do is provide them with a loving home, positive role models and assignment help lead them on a path to being proud of their diverse backgrounds.
- Love the skin you’re in: I think this goes for all races, but sometimes it can be harder for multiracial kids. At times they feel like they might not “fit in” with either race. Be proud of your unique heritage and embrace how beautiful you are!
- Don’t feel you have to always explain to people “what you are”: I don’t know if people understand how extremely rude that can be, but they usually give a quick response of “I’m a girl…duh”. If they want to share their background than that’s fine but if it’s on their own terms.
When we moved to our area it was not with the intent of making sure the community was diverse, but I’m glad it turned out that way. As a society we still have a lot of ignorance and prejudices to overcome and my goal is to arm my daughters with confidence and self-love.
